06 Mar 2018 #Love and Relationships
I was surfing through the YouTube when I saw a TVF clip beautifully explaining marital rape and the reactions of a family in a comic way, which may be moment of fun but beneath runs an entire forest of emotions which is craving to get pondered upon, and I do feel that’s a devil as we don’t have much laws related to it. The figment of my imagination Ipsita explains her life - I always had one thing in my mind, my career. When asked about marrying a guy, I wanted to be independent first. Yes it is a sweet fruit at least in the phase initially. I felt I could connect to him; he was an amazing person, used to travel, was a foodie and loved learning languages just like me. I found serenity in any moment spent with him. I hailed from a nuclear family, and I was overwhelmed with the idea that I would marry and live in a joint family. Although I liked him but it irked me when he did not want me to work. He was earning and had a pretext that after you work “I can’t allow you to cook being so tired, I can’t allow my mother to cook every day and it’s not practical to eat daily outside”, this was the first instance when I realized that post marriage a guy starts feeling that he owns a life, those vows are the conditions laid on my independence and not him. I could not realize this, maybe because we always associate the word rape with pain, mob protest, but wasn’t that an attack on my integrity? Challenging my character takes you to the literal sense, but his desire of placing me at home , killing my emotions and yearnings and yanking me into this callous circle of juggling role as a daughter in law , wife and may be mother. This was actually when he started to rape me and I could not even realize. I was sad but could not decipher the source of pain, there weren’t any bruises, but my heart was in pain, no where less than some emotional cardiac arrest. Soon the different facet surfaced, he wanted a child soon as he had succumbed to family pressure. A girl clears all her dreams for the man she loves so did I. As if this roller coaster not enough we discovered that he is impotent and can’t bear a child. It was our first anniversary; we had plans to go for a second honeymoon. I was forced to drink and I actually had no issues. I knew my limits. Amidst all the candles, I was waiting to welcome him and get away with all the issues, but then again he brought up those issues and we ended up fighting. He abused me and then forced me to have a sexual intercourse. I denied, I cried but I failed. I wanted to inform my parents but I couldn’t. The rift between us was growing however; I still wanted the marriage to work, because I loved him. Every time we had a fight he would force him on me, I would resist but all my attempts were futile. Even if I was not in a mood to make love to him, he forced me. Then slowly I realized I was just an entity for him for sexual pleasure. It was no more love it was just for physical pleasure. I knew my rights, was educated. I decided to move out of his house I didn’t know whether marital rape is considered as ‘rape’ as the rapist is your own husband. Since many years and successive governments have tried to come up with solution, however there had been no mention of it in the country’s rape laws, whether old or amended. Marital rape is often referred under domestic violence. There are arguments for the misuse of the marital rape law. However, this does not mean that the law should be done away with. Instead, clauses or amendments should be added in the law which protect the rights of women and harsh punishment for the men. . I didn’t know about the laws against marital rape so the only option left was walking out of the wed lock. I didn’t care about my parents or the society. It was the time when I had to stand up for myself for my pride for the female fraternity. I felt dejected but a sense of peace and freedom came. I confess it openly that I was raped by my husband. May be he knew the trick shatter the person emotionally and rule over physically, piece of cake! But it will be a shame for him to do that I won’t cut myself out! I will move through the fire with all my strength and emerge victorious as that is my symbol.