Fight of Sex Education in India

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The term ‘Sex Education’, is widely used to depict education about procreative system, sexual interaction and other facts of human sexual behavior. It is a practice of gaining knowledge and developing mind-set as well as ideas about sex, sexual identity, human relations, closeness, gender roles, contraception methods and prevention of Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) and Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD). It is also an effective way to respect one’s partner along with acceptingones sexual preference. The misconceptions about facts related to the above topics are commonly kept under the wraps and should be discussed openlyto makepeoplemore aware about the necessity for sex education in this rapidly changing era.
One of the misconceptions that need to be clarified in our country is that sex education does not teach children how to have sex at an early age; rather it teaches them about the psychological, physiological, and social aspects of leading a healthy sexual life in the future. This incorporates not only the physical act of sex, but also: gender identity, physical changes, consent, awareness about sexual abuse, birth control measures, and prevention of AIDS and STDs. The lesson that Indian societyneed to take from sex education is‘Prevention is better than cure’. Experts say that the case for sex education in India is quite different from the West. According to the National Family Health Survey conducted by the International Institute for Population Sciences (IIPS) and Macro International in 2005-06 in all the states of India, 12% of women aged between 15-19 years are mothers. The survey also said that one in six Indian women aged 15-19 start to have children.India is a country with the highest rate of population growth in the world and surprisingly one of the highest rates of teenage pregnanciesand HIV/AIDS infection. The reports also show a shockingly high rate of sexual abuse cases towards children and adults. Hence, it is very important to understand and analyze the reason behind it. One of the reasons for this is the reluctance to educate our youth about their bodies, their sexual needs, and the meaning and importance of safe sexual practices. The problem with Indian society is the barrier of Indian culture, moral values and traditional practices. Our culture does not teach what rape is, our traditions do not educate the youth about sexual health issues, and the consequences of early pregnancy.

Awareness of sex isone of the significant factors necessary to lead a secure life in the future. Regular school curriculum prepares our children to learn about the world around us, excluding topics related to sex. A common question put forward by the societyis, whether it is necessary to have sex education as part of the curriculum. As stated above, sex educationteaches one about thephysiological, psychological, biological and social behavior of human beings. When children are in their teens, lack of sex education can give riseto many issues and if not corrected in a timely manner, it may give rise to immature decision making and inappropriate behavior in the future.

-Anindya Apoorva

Misconceptions About contraception

Unless

  1. You have a steady partner (monogamy FTW!)
  2. You have no qualms about diseases (‘Yo Chlamydia is ma best chum’!!….. NOPE?)
  3. You want to or are actively trying to get pregnant

 

You’d be doing the best thing by having safe sex. By which we mean actively, proactively using contraception the way it’s intended to be used (there was once a condom ad that showed the man fitting the rubber on his thumb instead of youknowwhere. Really. But let’s save that for another time).

 

Now. Hum haw hem hrrr. *noisily clears throat * let’s get serious.

There is so much confusion around contraception, especially in places like India, where there is so much awkwardness involved in addressing or putting forth any queries even remotely linked to sex and sexuality. Doctors can be judgmental, shopkeepers can be criminally judgmental – forget the rest of humanity.

 

So here we are, cheerful and open, absolutely no Victorian prudishness, addressing some common contraception misconceptions.

 

Firstly, there are two reasons why contraception is used. One, disease prevention.Two, pregnancy prevention.

 

Our dear Anonymous ladies and gentlemen have a few queries which we’re putting on top.

 

Mr. X is blissful after a lovely romp, and tells us that women can’t get pregnant if they have not had an orgasm. Kind sir, it is not necessary for the woman to have an orgasm to get pregnant.

 

Pregnancy occurs when a sperm from the man fertilizes an egg from the woman. A woman of childbearing age usually releases an egg each month as part of her regular menstrual cycle (called ovulation). So probably, congrats in advance on Junior.

 

Ms. Y wants to have a friendly banter about how she’s breastfeeding and hence won’t get pregnant. Milady. Ovulation can occur even when a woman is breastfeeding. The nursing mother should use birth control if she wishes to avoid pregnancy.

 

Mrs Z says, she doesn’t need contraception because she is only fertile on the day she is ovulating.

*facepalm*

 

Myths like these most likely arise from a lack of understanding of the female menstrual cycle. There are four major hormones involved in the menstrual cycle: follicle-stimulating hormone,  luteinizing hormone (LH), estrogen, and progesterone.

It’s a balance of these hormones that regulates ovulation, and if the egg is not fertilized, the woman has her period at the end of the menstrual cycle. This balance of hormones can be disrupted by various factors such as age, weight stress and medications, among other things. If the menstrual cycle is regular, then ovulation can occur during a window of time and CANNOT be pinpointed as having occurred on any particular day with full certainty.

 

Then there’s this wonderful couple, really wonderful. They firmly believe that the lady won’t get pregnant if they have sex standing up, or if she is on top.

Dearies. Positions during sex have nothing to do with fertilization occuring or not. When a man ejaculates, the sperm are deposited well into the vagina, and by nature, will begin to move up through the cervical canal immediately after.

 

My personal favouritefacepalm. You can use plastic wrap or a balloon if you don’t have a condom.

 

I say. I SAY. How brilliant. Why not go organic and use a banana peel? Pesky plastics not good for the earth.DUH.

 

Plastic wrap and balloons are NOT FOR USE as condoms. A. They don’t fit well, B. They can easily be torn during sex.

  1. Balloons are for birthday parties, innit?

 

Condoms are tested thoroughly and specifically made to provide a good fit and good protection during sex. Please stay away from substitutes, please.

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ऑनलाइन डेटिंग : ये इश्क नहीं आसां…
टेक्नोलॉजी के इस दौर में आज जब सारी दुनिया ऑनलाइन हो चुकी है, खाने से लेकर घूमना भी वर्चुअल हो चूका है. ऐसे में सबसे ज्यादा हाइक मिला है सोशल साइट्स को.
जहाँ पहले लोगो का दायरा सीमित था, इन्टरनेट ने उसे वर्ल्डवाइड कर दिया है. जिस तरह से सोशल साइट्स का  क्रेज बढ़ रहा है, उतना ही लोग अकेले होते जा रहे हैं. जैसे-जैसे स्मार्ट फोन का उपयोग बढ़ रहा है, वैसे ही कई तरह के एप्स भी तेजी से बाजार में आ रहे हैं. और फिलहाल ट्रेंड चल रहा है डेटिंग एप्स का. डेटिंग एप्स जहाँ आप प्यार पा सकते हैं. ये एप्स बहुत से लोगों की पसंद बन चुके हैं. जिनके पास प्यार है पर प्यार करने वाला कोई नहीं. डेटिंग एप्स ऐसे लोगो के लिये फ़रिश्ता बन कर उभरे हैं.
इन डेटिंग साइट्स के एप्स के जरिए आप अपने जैसे ही दूसरे लोगों से फ्रेंडशिप कर सकते हैं, रिश्ते बना सकते हैं. और अगर आप लकी हुए तो आप इनके जरिये अपना सच्चा प्यार भी पा सकते हैं.
 अपनी बढ़ती लोकप्रियता के साथ इन डेटिंग एप्स  का बिज़नस भी काफी फल फूल रहा है.
तो बात ये है की क्या इस तरीके से आपको प्यार मिल पाएगा?
ऑनलाइन डेटिंग के जरिये मारा गया क्यूपिड का तीर निशाने लगेगा या आपको सताएगा?
तो आइये जानते हैं डेटिंग एप्स के नुक्सान और फायदों के बारे में.
प्यार की खोज: आप अकेले रहते तंग आ चुके हैं? और अब किसी का साथ चाहते हैं तो यह काफी मददगार साबित हो सकता है. इन साइट्स पर आपको कई साथी मिलेंगे जो आपकी  जरूरतों से मेल खाते हैं.
लेकिन ऑनलाइन डेटिंग साइट्स आपको ऐसा प्लेटफोर्म देती हैं जहा लोग आपसे झूठ बोल कर खुद को आपके मुताबिक बता सकते हैं. ऐसे में  जरा सम्हल कर दोस्तो का चुनाव करें.
कॉन्फिडेंस लेवल बूस्टिंग: ऑनलाइन डेटिंग आपके आत्मविश्वास को बढ़ाती है.यहाँ आप किसी से भी बेझिझक बातें कर सकते हैं, खुद को शेयर कर सकते हैं.
फील गुड फैक्टर: एक सर्वे के मुताबिक अपोजिट जेंडर से अच्छी बातचीत आपके ब्रेन में ख़ुशी देने वाले होर्मोन्स को बढाती है.
इंडीविसुअल चॉइस : ऑनलाइन डेटिंग का एक बेहद अच्छा फायदा यह भी है की आप अपनी पसंद के मुताबिक लोगो से मिल सकते हैं. बात कर सकते हैं. आप सीरियस रिलेशनशिप चाहते हैं या बस कुछ हुक अप्स, तो  आप इन्हें डेटिंग एप्स पर फ़िल्टर कर सकते हैं.
पर इनके साथ ही आपको जरुरत है सजग रहने की. जहाँ आप इन एप्स पर अपनी जानकारी देते हैं, वही इन जानकारियों के मिसयूज़ होने के चान्सेस भी रहते हैं.
इस लिये ध्यान रखें –
दोस्ती बढ़ाने से पहले सामने वाले को सही तरह से परख लें : इस बात की पुष्टि कर लें की आप किसी फेक ID से नहीं बात कर रहें.
आपके ऑनलाइन दोस्त की सोशल साइट्स की प्रोफाइल पर भी आप उनके बारे में जान सकते हैं.
अपनी पर्सनल जानकारी न दें: अपनी प्रोफाइल पर अपनी निजी जानकारी देने से बचे. घर का नंबर, प्राइवेट या प्रोफेशनल जानकारी के माध्यम से इनके मिसयूज़ के कई मामले देखने आते हैं.
डेटिंग साइट्स में फेक आइड़ीज़ से बचे.
किसी प्राइवेट जगह में मिलने न जाये.
वीडियो चैट के दौरान सतर्क रहें.
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Marital Rape

 

I was surfing through the YouTube when I saw a TVF clip beautifully explaining marital rape and the reactions of a family in a comic way, which may be moment of fun but beneath runs an entire forest of emotions which is craving to get pondered upon, and I do feel that’s a devil as we don’t have much laws related to it. The figment of my imagination Ipsita explains her life –

I always had one thing in my mind, my career. When asked about marrying a guy, I wanted to be independent first. Yes it is a sweet fruit at least in the phase initially. I felt I could connect to him; he was an amazing person, used to travel, was a foodie and loved learning languages just like me. I found serenity in any moment spent with him. I hailed from a nuclear family, and I was overwhelmed with the idea that I would marry and live in a joint family. Although I liked him but it irked me when he did not want me to work. He was earning and had a pretext that after you work “I can’t allow you to cook being so tired, I can’t allow my mother to cook every day and it’s not practical to eat daily outside”, this was the first instance when I realized that post marriage a guy starts feeling that he owns a life, those vows are the conditions laid on my independence and not him. I could not realize this, maybe because we always associate the word rape with pain, mob protest, but wasn’t that an attack on my integrity? Challenging my character takes you to the literal sense, but his desire of placing me at home , killing my emotions and yearnings and yanking me into this callous circle of juggling role as a daughter in law , wife and may be mother. This was actually when he started to rape me and I could not even realize. I was sad but could not decipher the source of pain, there weren’t any bruises, but my heart was in pain, no where less than some emotional cardiac arrest. Soon the different facet surfaced, he wanted a child soon as he had succumbed to family pressure. A girl clears all her dreams for the man she loves so did I. As if this roller coaster not enough we discovered that he is impotent and can’t bear a child.

It was our first anniversary; we had plans to go for a second honeymoon. I was forced to drink and I actually had no issues. I knew my limits. Amidst all the candles, I was waiting to welcome him and get away with all the issues, but then again he brought up those issues and we ended up fighting. He abused me and then forced me to have a sexual intercourse. I denied, I cried but I failed. I wanted to inform my parents but I couldn’t.

The rift between us was growing however; I still wanted the marriage to work, because I loved him. Every time we had a fight he would force him on me, I would resist but all my attempts were futile. Even if I was not in a mood to make love to him, he forced me. Then slowly I realized I was just an entity for him for sexual pleasure.  It was no more love it was just for physical pleasure.

I knew my rights, was educated. I decided to move out of his house I didn’t know whether marital rape is considered as ‘rape’ as the rapist is your own husband. Since many years and successive governments have tried to come up with solution, however there had been no mention of it in the country’s rape laws, whether old or amended. Marital rape is often referred under domestic violence. There are arguments for the misuse of the marital rape law. However, this does not mean that the law should be done away with. Instead, clauses or amendments should be added in the law which protect the rights of women and harsh punishment for the men. . I didn’t know about the laws against marital rape so the only option left was walking out of the wed lock.

I didn’t care about my parents or the society. It was the time when I had to stand up for myself for my pride for the female fraternity.  I felt dejected but a sense of peace and freedom came. I confess it openly that I was raped by my husband. May be he knew the trick shatter the person emotionally and rule over physically, piece of cake!  But it will be a shame for him to do that I won’t cut myself out! I will move through the fire with all my strength and emerge victorious as that is my symbol.

Masturbation: Myths and facts!

Masturbation is a normal behaviour in human sexual development. It is defined as self stimulation of one’s genital organs for sexual pleasure. It is often associated with negative attitudes and connotation in developing country like India as compared to developed countries.  The myths and misconceptions associated with masturbation are reason for emotional distress during the adolescent age group. Masturbation usually starts in adolescent age group and can continue for the rest of life in both sexes. The frequency of masturbation increases with age from adolescence in both the sexes. Studies show that about 7 out of 10 adult men and more than 5 out of 10 adult women masturbate. However, the prevalence of masturbation is more in males as compared to females. According to India-Today MDRA Sex survey 2013, only 28% female respondents resorted to masturbation for seeking pleasure. As per National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour by Indiana University, 80% of 17-year-old males reported ever having masturbated. Masturbation was associated with numerous partnered sexual behaviours in both males and females.

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Masturbation is a safe way of attaining sexual pleasure without vaginal penetration which would otherwise lead to an unintended pregnancy. Masturbation lifts your spirit and mood by releasing the feel good neurotransmitters like endorphins, dopamine and oxytocin. An orgasm is the biggest non-drug blast of dopamine available, and benefits your health in more than one way. Self stimulation through masturbation has no risk of transmission of HIV infection and sexually transmitted diseases. A hypothesis suggest masturbation prevents premature ejaculation prostate cancer in men. Masturbation is advocated as effective and safe method deriving sexual satisfaction when partner is pregnant or not available.

A common myth prevalent in India is masturbation leads to loss precious semen in males in turn leading to fatigue, malaise, fatigue, depression and decreased virility. The myth is reinforced by the thought that one drop semen is made up of many drops of blood (the count has increased from 60 drops to 200 drops over the years!). In fact, the process of semen production in male genital organs is on from adolescence to old age continuously day and night. Amongst females, cultural taboo influences the practice of genital self stimulation for sexual satisfaction.

Men may stimulate the penis, scrotum and perineal areas. Women may stimulate clitoris, inner or outer labia, the vaginal opening or canal, and perineal areas. Direct stimulation of glans penis in males and clitoris in females leads to intense sexual stimulation. Women and men may also touch other erogenous zones all over the body to experience pleasure by touching places like the breasts, nipples, or thighs. Sex toys like vibrators and dildos during masturbation to enhance pleasure. Sex fantasies (thoughts or images) enhances sexual excitement, either alone or during mutual masturbation.

Compulsive masturbation is impulsive-compulsive excessive sexual behaviour. Compulsive masturbation disorder refers to the condition in which a person will have an irresistible urge to masturbate continuously, with or without using pornography. It is associated with depression, anxiety, obsessions and relationship problems. There are no defined criteria for the frequency in compulsive masturbation, but inability to fulfil social roles and relationship due excessive masturbation vouches professional help from mental health professional. A person cannot resist genital stimulation due to strong urge to do it and stops it only after genital injury or social pressure. He/she spends most of the time of day in repeated excessive masturbation but does derive pleasure at the end of it leading to psychological distress.

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Dr. Chetan Vispute

Psychiatrist Counsellor

Why is teenage pregnancy a not so well taken decision?

When I was first spoken to about writing an article on such an issue, I abruptly said yes, and I accept that it was a decision in haste. So is the article all about. Without realizing or probably misinterpreting something. I won’t give the standard do’s and don’ts , you can google that anytime, Like the archer , I was in my realm of emotions and this knowledge sharing agenda would not be an easy task. But I will again use the impact to highlight the aftermath when the gravity of a situation was not realized. I talk about this girl “Lavanya” who not only was a proud single mother but had faced the wrath of this issue, she was 16 when she got into this feeling called love, everything was utopia but soon the ship not only sank but hit the bottom of the ocean and she was determined to get it back no matter what it takes, though unaware how she will do that.

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A page of her memory book recounts where she realizes

“Met him today – August 27”

“He kissed me – March 21”

“We made love – April 12”

And then the test began, she thought him as the shield who will not wither away and she would stand by him when needed. But was she just to comfort him in the bed? Or he just missed the spine to speak up for the relation and give it a name. In either case, they did not tie the nuptial knot. She thought a step taken by him would be enough; she had notions about pills, she was not aware that she is capable biologically of bearing a child. Did she not know whether abortion was an option or not? Did she not have someone to share this tornado of thoughts.

Although none matters now- she considers her daughter “Ipsita” who wasn’t desired but is now her life and a lesson.

Lavanya now organizes gatherings knowing how she managed may not be as easy for others.

– Arjun Puri

 He correlate’s curve and blows sand beneath the surface

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Five myths on sex education

Some myths

‘In India we don’t hesitate to have sex, but when we have to talk about it, it’s against our culture.’ 😛

As we all know, discussing about sex related topics or educating children on sex (at home)- the do’s and don’ts etc. these are highly BANNED topics at Indian homes for whatsoever reason it be. These are commonly faced problems we are facing from the very beginning.

Ultimately it is left to the kids themselves as to how they would like to learn and understand on these topics.

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Parents feel :-

1. Kids will pick up what they need to know and at the right time.

TRUTH:  Kids are constantly picking up sexual messages from the television, internet, books, pen drives (passed on by their friends) etc. Most of them do not promote healthy sexuality and hence leads to misinformation. From adults they may pick up the message that there is something wrong about feeling comfortable about sexuality. Hence these topics continue to never be discussed about.

2. If you talk to kids about sex, they will have to tendency to try it.

TRUTH: Children who are well informed and comfortable in talking about sex with their parents are also the least likely to have intercourse when they are adolescents. Knowledge does not lead to inappropriate behavior, whereas a lack of information poses greater risks.

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3. Kids in school are too young to know about sex.

TRUTH: In every subject, let it be chemistry, physics, mathematics etc, students are given a foundation in the early school years that is expanded upon in later years. Children are often curious about issues related to sexuality and need accurate, age-appropriate information. Children also need to learn the correct names of all their body parts so that they can tell someone if they have been sexually abused.

4. Schools conduct sex education, so we needn’t discuss it at home.

TRUTH:  Home based sexual health educations are more effective. It not only leads to a better understanding amongst the kids but also leads to a better parent-child relationship. By discussing such topics a child would feel that his/her parent is there for him/her. And later in the journey of life, if that child ever encounters any sexual abuse, molestation etc., the child could more freely report it to the parent rather than feeling shy and humiliated.

5. Sex after getting married is the ‘healthiest’ kind.

TRUTH: Unfortunately, a marriage license isn’t a magical key to a “healthy” and pleasurable sex life. In fact, sex within marriage is not even always consensual, and sadly, rape occurs within the institution of marriage every day. Remaining a virgin until marriage doesn’t guarantee a “healthy” sex life any more than having sex before marriage does.

Living in a country where the population is soaring over a billion and quarter, definitely these many people have not been born due to God’s Mercy (a gift). They have been born because a man and woman had sex. In other words, so many people having sex , so many babies been born and still WE are shy to talk about sex. We definitely have some issues out here!

(A funny video that would give one an insight on how sex education is being conducted :-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiIxkOah09E)

– Ann John (Left)

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