Hi, I’m a victim of Child Abuse, and I’m not ashamed of it. It was in class 2 or 3 when my cousin shifted to our place. He was in class 9th. I, my cousin and my brother use to sleep together on the same bed. I was brought up in a small town of Jharkhand, And despite the cool environment, my parents brought me in, guys were not cool with a girl playing with them. And I was the only girl-child in society, so I use to feel pretty left out. My cousin took disadvantage of my loneliness. Bokaro is pretty famous for its +2 education. My cousin was made ignore all the luxuries and concentrate just on studies to get good marks in 10th board. It uses to be just my cousin and me every evening alone together. My mother uses to go for a walk; my father uses to be in office and my brother out playing. His offensive game started from touching me at inappropriate places calling it a game, I remember how he uses to put ice cubes on my private part just to watch me cry, etc.
Winters came, and we all use to stay at home. And my cousin stopped doing all those things. My brother was down with severe fever and was admitted to hospital for 15 days. Mom also moved to a hospital with him, and that left me, dad and my cousin alone at home. That’s when my cousin’s horrific tortures started happening even at night, but I was too dumb to understand what he was up to, I believed that it was a game. Day by day my mother was getting suspicious about his activities. His semen use to be in our bed every night. I use to mention the pain in my private parts and one day my mom was giving me a bubble bath when she saw bite marks all over my body. Then my mother broke down crying and asked me who gave me these marks. I told her the whole story and next day they shifted my cousin to a PG and asked me never to talk to him again. When I was in class 6, I came across porn for the first time and went into depression when I realized I was raped for over a year. It still haunts me.
There are nights when I wake up crying. I have some problem with interacting with people at times. My heart pounds every time I see that cousin and I don’t know why I’m still scared of him. I was blessed to be with a mother who was always supporting and talking to me, providing me with required therapy to get over it. I met a lot of friends to whom I opened up and told about this, and they never judged. I’m blessed with a partner who never judged me or let my past be an issue, in fact, he is like my guardian angel. In India, so many people go through Child Abuse and never talk about it because their families believe that it is a Taboo. More you will talk about such issues more you will realize that it happens with a lot of people. More vigilance will be created and fewer incidents like this will happen
– Udita Pal, an author, blogger and avid reader. Currently final year student of media technologies in Ranchi