Misconceptions About contraception

Unless

  1. You have a steady partner (monogamy FTW!)
  2. You have no qualms about diseases (‘Yo Chlamydia is ma best chum’!!….. NOPE?)
  3. You want to or are actively trying to get pregnant

 

You’d be doing the best thing by having safe sex. By which we mean actively, proactively using contraception the way it’s intended to be used (there was once a condom ad that showed the man fitting the rubber on his thumb instead of youknowwhere. Really. But let’s save that for another time).

 

Now. Hum haw hem hrrr. *noisily clears throat * let’s get serious.

There is so much confusion around contraception, especially in places like India, where there is so much awkwardness involved in addressing or putting forth any queries even remotely linked to sex and sexuality. Doctors can be judgmental, shopkeepers can be criminally judgmental – forget the rest of humanity.

 

So here we are, cheerful and open, absolutely no Victorian prudishness, addressing some common contraception misconceptions.

 

Firstly, there are two reasons why contraception is used. One, disease prevention.Two, pregnancy prevention.

 

Our dear Anonymous ladies and gentlemen have a few queries which we’re putting on top.

 

Mr. X is blissful after a lovely romp, and tells us that women can’t get pregnant if they have not had an orgasm. Kind sir, it is not necessary for the woman to have an orgasm to get pregnant.

 

Pregnancy occurs when a sperm from the man fertilizes an egg from the woman. A woman of childbearing age usually releases an egg each month as part of her regular menstrual cycle (called ovulation). So probably, congrats in advance on Junior.

 

Ms. Y wants to have a friendly banter about how she’s breastfeeding and hence won’t get pregnant. Milady. Ovulation can occur even when a woman is breastfeeding. The nursing mother should use birth control if she wishes to avoid pregnancy.

 

Mrs Z says, she doesn’t need contraception because she is only fertile on the day she is ovulating.

*facepalm*

 

Myths like these most likely arise from a lack of understanding of the female menstrual cycle. There are four major hormones involved in the menstrual cycle: follicle-stimulating hormone,  luteinizing hormone (LH), estrogen, and progesterone.

It’s a balance of these hormones that regulates ovulation, and if the egg is not fertilized, the woman has her period at the end of the menstrual cycle. This balance of hormones can be disrupted by various factors such as age, weight stress and medications, among other things. If the menstrual cycle is regular, then ovulation can occur during a window of time and CANNOT be pinpointed as having occurred on any particular day with full certainty.

 

Then there’s this wonderful couple, really wonderful. They firmly believe that the lady won’t get pregnant if they have sex standing up, or if she is on top.

Dearies. Positions during sex have nothing to do with fertilization occuring or not. When a man ejaculates, the sperm are deposited well into the vagina, and by nature, will begin to move up through the cervical canal immediately after.

 

My personal favouritefacepalm. You can use plastic wrap or a balloon if you don’t have a condom.

 

I say. I SAY. How brilliant. Why not go organic and use a banana peel? Pesky plastics not good for the earth.DUH.

 

Plastic wrap and balloons are NOT FOR USE as condoms. A. They don’t fit well, B. They can easily be torn during sex.

  1. Balloons are for birthday parties, innit?

 

Condoms are tested thoroughly and specifically made to provide a good fit and good protection during sex. Please stay away from substitutes, please.

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