Monthly Archives: November 2016

Myths about penis size!

 

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Myth 1: There is nothing as an “ideal” size.

There is never one perfectly designed penis to fulfill each and every women’s unique needs. Female pleasure is more dependent on arousal and not the size. Clitoris simulation is the easiest way of female orgasm which shifts the focus not on the size but the right pressure at the right spot.

Myth 2: Shoe size predicts the penis size.

No, it doesn’t. Eventually there is no such good prediction in this case. One cannot judge the size of penis by the size of other body parts. In 2002, two London-based doctors carried out a study of 104 men. They measured their erect penises and their shoe size but found no statistically significant correlation.

Myth 3: The average penis size is about 8 inches

The penis sizes vary around the world so there is no universal ‘normal’. According to a study by the British Institute of Urology, the average size of an erect penis is about 5.5-6.2 inches (14-15.75cm), and the average girth is about 4.7-5.1 inches (12-13cm). Thus, the worry for a below average size is a myth.

Myth 4: Penis size matters.

No matter how much doctors and counsellors explain, men continue to be extremely sensitive about the size of their organ. It is certainly not the thing that matters for any woman. The chief reason why the penis size is of little importance is that the female part is a flexible organ that will expand or contract according to the size of the penis.

Myth 5: Increase the size without surgery.

There are a lot of advertisement claiming to prove this myth right. But a myth is a myth. Pills or patches for increasing penis size are useless. Penile enlargement exercises are also of no benefit. Penile suction devices are of little benefit. Penile enlargement surgery is the only way possible, but involves certain risks.

So, it’s not the size that matters, it’s all in the technique.

Misconceptions about first night

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Every person right from 18 years (wild guess) to the one taking ‘7 phere’ thinks about the first night. The first night aka ‘suhagraat’ is a much hyped and is a special night for everyone (who marries of course and probably is a virgin). Lots of thoughts keep swaying around regarding the first night with everyone having personal opinions or misconceptions rather said. It is a complicated event which cannot be just explained simply. There are lots of factors affecting this one night long thing – people involved, closeness, maturity, emotions, bonding, love, affection, pre-experiences & mutual understanding between the partners. But first things first –

  • Both are tired after the ceremonies being anxious and afraid about the first night
  • Performance anxiety is a major hurdle in their brains
  • Man has found his way to the Mars but still searching for the vaginal opening

In short, misconceptions, ignorance and fear can be the major reasons for failure of first night. These can be cleared with proper knowledge about this ‘subject’. Person can indulge in learning of this subject via different sources – friends, internet, online videos, magazines etc.

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There are many incidents about misconception which lead to failure.

  1. One groom decided to feel his fiancee’s private parts to verify the hole. Being ignorant, he felt the pubic bone above the vagina and concluded she had a bone instead of vagina.
  2. Some think they have entered the vagina when actually they were having intercourse between the thighs.
  3. A young man believed that vaginal hair would entangle his penis and injure it severely.
  4. Another young man believed that menstruation occurs through vagina, so its is a dirty place and so dreaded going near it.
  5. No lights please – the most common problem. (Dark knight rises)

Usually men won’t even know the opening to put into but woman still cannot overpower him, hold it and insert into. This instills thought of pre-experiences before marriage and often lead to divorce – what a shame. Another man thought the right way of having sex is to insert from the back passage, leading to woman filling a divorce.

Suppose a situation where couple having sex, woman lying with legs stretched and man lying on the top trying to find the vaginal opening. Vaginal opening is usually semi-horizontal and thus a suitable position has to be found to enter. Instead of entering, penis presses against lower border of vagina causing discomfort to both the people. Supporting position would be man resting on his elbows letting the partner breathe or holding the legs of partner over his shoulder to give a proper trajectory. Thus, some suggestions can be provided:-

  1. Overcome your shyness
  2. You can use a ‘Zero-watt’ bulb to see what you’re doing.
  3. Using finger to probe the vaginal opening and wherever necessary.
  4. Everyone doesn’t have 6” rock-hard penis.
  5. Do not enter a dry vagina, it’ll be painful for her.
  6. Don’t lose hope, there is always tomorrow.
  7. Communication is must.
  8. See a doctor whenever in doubt!

I can be confident while writing this, why can’t you by having more knowledge? It’s about the chemistry between the partners and their understanding that will decide everything. Love & sex have to go hand-in-hand. One is not making a porn video, remember!

Lavish Garg

हस्तमैथुन: समज, गैरसमज

कसं सांगावं आणि काय बोलावं हा मला पडलेला मोठा प्रश्न आहे. मात्र तरीही या विषयावर मला बोलणे अगदी गरजेचे आणि योग्यच वाटते. अतिशय संवेदनशील, असा विषय हाताळताना मला कोणत्याही प्रकारची किळस येत नाहीये, याचे कारण की या गोष्टीचा कोणताच अपाय नाही, तर शरीराला एक वरदान असल्याप्रमाणे ते आहे, आणि म्हणूनच या गोष्टीवर मोकळेपणाने चर्चा होणे खूप अपेक्षित आहे….हा विषय चार चौघांच्या दरम्यान मोकळेपणाने बोलला कधीच जात नाही, नेहमीच या विषयाला धरून टवाळगिरी करण्यात येते, अथवा कोणी यावर बोलायला गेल्यास त्याची लाज काढण्याचेही प्रकार घडतात. आणि तो विषय म्हणजेच हस्तमैथुन.

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स्वतःच्या हाताने केलेला प्रणय म्हणजे हस्तमैथुन, यात स्त्री अथवा पुरुष त्याच्या लैंगिक अवयवाला उत्तेजीत करतात, त्याद्वारे लैंगिक उत्कट बिंदू गाठला जातो याला हस्तमैथुन असे म्हणण्यात येते. अनेक महिला पुरुष हे करतात आणि यात वाईट असे काही नाही, याच्यामुळे तुम्हाला टक्कल पडत नाही की तळहातावर केसही उगवत नाही, नाका तोंडावर येणाऱ्या पुळ्याही यामुळे होत नसतात. हस्तमैथुन केल्याने तुमची लैगिक शक्ती ऱ्हास पावत नसते, असे नानाविविध गैरसमज लोकांच्या मनात बसलेले आहेत, खासकरुन महिलांच्या बाबत असे अनेकदा आढळून येते. त्यांना याबाबत काहीच बोलायचे नसते, किंवा कुणी या विषयावर बोलू इच्छित असेल तर त्याला सरळसरळ घाणेरडा मनुष्य असे संबोधले जाते, बुद्धाने सांगितलेल्या तत्वज्ञानात स्वतःवर प्रेम करण्यास शिकवलं गेलं आहे, हा त्यायलाच एक भाग आहे, पण अनेक लोक फक्त, कुत्सितबुद्धीने याकडे पाहतात.

याविरुद्ध वागणाऱ्या देखील अनेक महिला आणि मुली माझ्याशी परिचित आहेत. ज्यांचा मला तरी अभिमान आहे. हस्तमैथुन हे आपल्याला मिळालेले वरदानच आहे हे त्यांनाही ठाऊक आहे. काहीवेळेस असे अवघड पेचप्रसंग आलेले असतात जीवनात की त्यातून कुणीतरी बाहेर काढावं हे वाटत असतं, अशावेळी आपण स्वतःच स्वतःला बाहेर काढू शकतो याची जाणीव मात्र अनेक स्त्रियांना नसते. स्त्रियांच्या बाबतीत हस्तमैथुन ही नैसर्गिक गोष्ट आहे, स्वतःच स्वतःला काबूत ठेवू देणारी अशी ही बाब आहे. यामुळे आपल्या आवडत्या व्यक्तीसोबत आपण सहवासाची कल्पना करतो, त्यामुळे अल्पकाळ का असेना पण भरभरुन जगत, आनंदी राहता येते, ह्या एवढ्याशा सुखाने देखील आयुष्यात बराच फरक पडत असतो….
जगातल्या प्रत्येक गोष्टीला प्रश्न असतात, तसे या पण गोष्टीवर अनेक शंका, प्रश्न उपस्थित होतात, स्वाभाविकपणे…. जसे की आपला भारत देश मानवता धर्म कमी मानणारा आहे त्यामुळे त्यांना वाटते उद्या, मी धार्मिक पद्धती अवलंबली तर मी हस्तमैथुन करणारी आहे, मी अपराधी आहे, पापी आहे… पण वास्तविकता असे सांगते हस्तमैथुन हे या प्रकारात येतच नाही, तो काही गुन्हा नाही, पाप नाही, मुळात कोणत्याही धार्मिक विधी करण्याचा आणि हस्तमैथुन करण्याचा काय संबंध ??? लग्न करण्याच्या दिवशी तुम्ही दूध चहा घेणार नाही का ? किंवा ब्रश ने दात घासणार नाही का ? गायीच्या वासरुचा घास तोडून तुमच्यापर्यंत आलेलं दूध घेऊनच धार्मिक विधीप्रारंभ होतो ना, मग तेव्हा अपराधी असल्यासारखं वाटत नाही, दात घासताना जनावराच्या केसाने दात घासल्याचे गिल्ट येत नाही, मग धार्मिक विधीस सामोरे जाताना आपण हस्तमैथुन केलं आहे याचा गिल्ट का यावा ?? हे खूप हास्यास्पद वाटते मला, काही डॉक्टरही असेच म्हणतात… आणि सगळी जगभरातील सर्वेक्षण सांगतात की अशा प्रकारे उपभोग घेतल्यावर प्रत्यक्ष संभोग करण्यात कोणीच कधीच कमी पडत नाही, याउपर म्हणेल हे कधी केलंच नसेल तर हमखास पहिली रात्र तुमची वाया जाते, कारणे नंतर कधीतरी

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स्त्रियांच्या आरोग्याच्या बाबत खूप मोठे काही फायदे आहेत, त्यापैकी एक म्हणजे प्रॉस्टरेट कॅन्सरपासून बचाव करता येणे, व्हजायनल मसल्सला हानिकारक असे जिवाणू, विषाणू ज्यापासून घातक संसर्ग होऊ शकतो अशांना शरीराबाहेर टाकण्याचे कार्य हस्तमैथुनातून होते…. टाईप 2 डायबेटीज होण्याची शक्यता हस्तमैथुन केल्याने जवळपास शून्य होते. सगळ्यात भारी फायदा म्हणजे स्वतःबद्दल, स्वतःचा विचार,प्रेम करायला स्त्री शिकते, जागरूक होते. पाळीच्या दिवसात असह्य अशा वेदना होतात, त्या कमी करण्यासाठी हस्तमैथुनचा उपयोग हा होतोच होतो, शरीराला अतिरिक्त आकड, ताण आलेला असतो त्याचे प्रमाण कमी होण्यास मदत मिळते.

हस्तमैथुन केल्याने डोपामाईनचे प्रमाण वाढते, त्यामुळे स्त्री स्वतःला ताजेतवाने करु शकते, यामुळे नैराश्य, थकवा कमी होतो, त्यामुळे मन, शरीर प्रसन्नता वाढण्यास मदत मिळते…

हस्तमैथुन केल्याने झोप चांगली मिळते. स्त्रियांना ज्यांना रात्री झोप न येण्याचा त्रास होतो त्यांनी रोज रात्री बेडवर जाण्याआधी बाथरूममध्ये जावे, किंवा बेडवरच हस्तमैथुन केलं तर उत्तम असे…

आता जो फायदा सांगेल त्याने खरोखर हरकून जाल. स्त्रियांनी हस्तमैथुन म्हणून देखील करायला पाहिजे. विज्ञान याचे उत्तर देते, लैंगिक समाधान, व्यायाम आणि स्नायूंना बळकटी देण्याला हे उपयोगी आहे. सगळ्यात महत्वाचा अवयवापैकी एक म्हणजे व्हजायना आणि त्यास बळकट करायला हा एक थोर व्यायाम प्रकार आहे…..

मानसिक ताणतणाव हे आजकाळात नेहमीचे आहेत. ते दूर करण्याला देखील हस्तमैथुन हा उपाय आहे, हे तर मी स्वतः अनुभवलं आहेच, इतर तो, ती देखील सांगतात, प्रवासाने अथवा एखादी क्लिष्ट समस्या न सुटण्याने आलेल्या तणावाला दूर करण्यासाठी हस्तमैथुन हा जबरदस्त उपाय आहे…

जुलै महिना हा विश्व हस्तमैथुन महिना असतो. त्यानिमित्ताने म्हणा किंवा आपल्या देशात गरजेच्या झालेल्या लैंगिक शिक्षण प्रसारण करण्यासाठी म्हणा, सदर लेख मी लिहिला आहे. याकामी मला काही डॉक्टर, मैत्रिणी यांनी मदत केली.

Vishal Lonari , Nashik

He holds a master’s degree in Mass Communication and journalism

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10 sexual fears that men have!!

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“Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.” Woody Allen. Contrary to the saying, lot of fears are associated with sex, common to both men and women. While women love to talk and are more expressive about their feelings and emotions related to sex, men tend to keep their deep thoughts and feelings to themselves. This leaves us wondering if men have any sexual fears at all??? The answer to the question is, YES, there are many doubts and fears running in the minds of the otherwise calm, cool and mostly collected gender. This article presents below 10 such sexual fears which bother men.

1.Fear of erectile dysfunction

Anxiety about bad performance during sex is one of the greatest fears of men. Ironically, this fear is the greatest cause of psychogenic impotence. According to Philip Werthman, M.D., urologist and director of the Center for Male Reproductive Medicine and Vasectomy Reversal in Los Angeles, certain men have fears of intimacy and performance anxiety that can lead to erectile dysfunction. The basis of such fear may be based on self-esteem issues and/or prior negative experiences. A single incident of poor performance can increase anxiety levels and result in more stress during future encounters. A partner’s understanding and cooperation can play a central role in overcoming the psychogenic impotence.

2.Partner’s sex-pectations

Sex for men is more of a physical experience whereas for women it is emotional as well as physical. Women have lot of expectations from their partners when it comes to sex and this may freak out men a bit. For most of the women, commitment and sex go together and men may not attach a whole lot of meaning to it. Men also fear that they may not be able to satisfy their partner during sex. This adds to their anxiety levels.

3. Fear of ‘Ejaculation’

Premature ejaculation is another psychogenic fear which scares men. This problem is faced by men of all ages and can result in anxiety, which in turn might aggravate the situation. In this situation, the brain gets the signal that release is imminent, but for various emotional reasons the normal inhibiting mechanism fails.

 4.Fear of ‘tiny’ penis

 The ‘size’ is invariably thought to be the parameter for a man’s maleness and his ability to satisfy women. As a matter of fact, a woman’s satisfaction level does not depend on the size of the penis and contrarily too big penis could hurt the partner. The truth is that only the outer 1/3rd of the woman’s vagina (approximately 3 to 5 cms) is sensitive to sexual stimuli. Therefore, the depth to which a man’s penis reaches inside the vagina during an intercourse doesn’t matter to a woman.

5.Physical insecurities

Like women, men too get conscious of their body. Features like weight, skin ,body hair etc can create insecurities and fears in men. They might assume that their partners will find their bodies unattractive/turnoff and may not like to have sex with them.

 6.Unintended pregnancy

Though this fear is more common with women, men also fear unintended pregnancies which may occur due to not using condom/ torn condom. Unintended pregnancies can lead to serious consequences emotionally, physically and financially.

7.Fear of acquiring STDs

In order to avoid a sexually transmitted disease, it is imperative to use a condom correctly. Improper or no usage can lead to infections and is a health hazard. Safe sex is extremely important as we see a massive increase in HIV and other sex related diseases.

8.Being recognized as inexperienced by the partner

Men have the tendency to think that women will compare them with other men or that the women might find them inexperienced and less skilful during the act. This adds to anxiety and performance pressure for men.

9.Intercourse ending in an unpleasant way

Actual sex is different from fantasized sex or porn videos. It is important for men to realize that the expectations have to be kept real in order to avoid disappointment during and after sex. The interactions of an average human sexual response cycle is very different from fantasy world.

10.Fear of being bad at sex

Some men suffer from anxieties related to not being good at sex. They worry about not knowing certain positions and getting tired too easily. This fear might actually add to erectile dysfunction or performance pressure and make sex less pleasurable.

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To sum up, fears of sex in men are often not visible. They reside deep in the unconscious mind. The above mentioned fears can take a while to be understood and worked upon. A mature and cooperating partner can be a great help to deal with such fears. However if the fears persist, a sex & relationship counsellor may be required.

Garima Shukla

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An engineer who studied management, a writer, a philanthropist… currently enjoying my life at the fullest

Even after having 1000 friends on Facebook and 1000 followers on instagram, still we are alone!

We all live in a perfect world. We have 1000 of friends on Facebook, 1000’s of followers on twitter and Instagram. No one is alone these days, thanks to these social networking sites. We all have become social media addict. My day is not complete without checking the updates on my Facebook wall or without commenting on someone’s Instagram post. We have traveled or want to travel most of the countries in the world. We earn handsome take home packages, have a house in a plush society and have an SUV. We have dated most beautiful/ handsome person of the opposite/ same sex and have an amazing sex life. We have invested our money in the stocks with the best rate of returns. We follow all the episodes of GOT religiously and have watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S. several times. We all think we are sapiosexual and yet we don’t know what it means. We party every Friday night and drink till we are pseudo-happy. We work out hard in the gym and try to attain that zero figure. We only invest in branded clothes, shoes, and bags. Ethnic clothes and local brands are no more up to our fashion standards; we prefer to wear western clothes and brands. Our trips are not complete without posting those flawless pictures on Facebook and Instagram. We know about the FIFA WC champion, the bigg boss house winner, the earthquake in Nepal within the fraction of seconds that too without reading a newspaper. Whenever we are in doubt about anything under the sky we can just google it. Even when we are lost Google comes to our rescue thanks to google maps!! We take on the world with the 140 words space. We chat on the social networking sites with our friends but have no time to meet them. Our pizzas are delivered in 30 minutes and our cabs in 2 minutes, still we are always busy.

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Like our maggie, our relationships are instant too. We fall in and out of love as easily as we order food online. We are looking for fun more than love. Dating someone is just a swipe away. We are more into open relationships than in a committed one. We get bored of people very easily. We are not looking for someone to spend life but looking for a company to spend our weekends, to watch movies and to drink in a pub. We don’t understand that we need a companion but we are unable to accept it. We are happier to be with ourselves. We are so much tied up to the social media (texting, tweeting) that there is hardly something to talk about. We are a generation where falling in love is a mistake while sleeping with someone is not. We are sexually and financially independent generation. We are more comfortable in having friends with benefits or no strings attached kind of set up. We are scared of long term and long distance relationships. Socializing with many people is easier than spending time with someone special. We don’t want to talk or discuss issues in the relationship rather prefer to walk out. We believe in an instant make up and break up kind of set up.

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We want to be in the comfort zone, in our so called perfect world. So whenever anything happens below our expectations we are disappointed. If our dreams are broken we are depressed. We are uncomfortable to move out of our comfort zone. We aren’t resilient; we get depressed easily with small defeats. We are afraid of falling in love, getting hurt. We just can’t handle the rejection, not even that on Tinder. We feel sad when our colleague gets a promotion or our friend goes on a trip to Mauritius. We have become more competitive. We always try to find faults in our partners, parents, and friends. We hardly appreciate people; we always try to see our version of people (the way we want them to be). We expect a lot from others while we do nothing for them. We are too busy to be OURSELVES.

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”
― Albert Einstein

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Madhavi Jadhav

Child Sexual Abuse: Myths and Facts

What is Child Sexual Abuse?

A child or young person is sexually abused when someone in a position of power or authority takes advantage of a person’s trust and respect to involve them in sexual activity.

Once upon a time

There was a little girl in yellow frock

She was going to a bakery for her morning tea

She saw a pack of dogs were running free

Just then a 40ish man came to help her , u see !

On the way , he tried to kiss her , shamelessly

She cried and cried , and ran to her home hurriedly

That day she made a pledge

Never to fear a dog – human or animal whatever it be

Once upon a time

There was a little girl in yellow frock

That little girl was me    

Why should I be concerned about it?

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  1. 19% of the world’s children live in India, which constitutes 42% of India’s total population.
  2. Every 2nd child in India is sexually abused.
  3. India has the world’s largest number of sexually abused children, an astonishing 69%, or 276 million children
  4. 50% of cases of abuse are by persons known to the child or in a position of trust and responsibility.
  5. In one study, child sex abuse is at least 10% more among boys than girls.
  6. 70% of abused children never report the matter to anyone.
  7. A child is molested every 30 minutes in India

Living as a sexually abused child

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Children who are getting abused

  • Irrational Anger
  • Too much fear/attachment with the abuser
  • Prefer to be alone
  • Sudden change in behavior
  • Live in fear
  • Show some emotional signals
  • Undergo physical Changes

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Victims who were abused in childhood and are adults now

  • Feel victimzed their entire entire life
  • They make have depression or OCD
  • They feel they did something wrong and deserved it
  • Suicidial
  • Drug/medication abuse
  • Struggle in their future relationships

 Refuting myths and perceptions surrounding CSA

Child sexual exploitation is something that is done to girls and young women. Boys are victims too. May be they get reported less than girls.
It only happens in certain dysfunctional families or ethnic groups. Perpetrators come/target from a variety of ethnic and cultural backgrounds.
Sexual Offenders are easily identifiable. They look like ‘one’. That ‘Lawyer Uncle, ‘Bostonwale mamaji’ anyone, ANYONE can be an abuser!
They are mostly strangers. 90% times abusers are known to the families.
Good girls never get abused. Too much ‘western culture’ is doing this to us. Molesters are not culture conscious. They lurk for the opportunity to molest.
It is mother’s failure if the child is abused. She didn’t protect her child well. Majority of the reported abuse incidents are from single-mother families.
Child Sexual abuse is less prevalent in rural areas or elite groups. It is widespread in India across cities & villages affecting rich and poor equally.
If I will report the sexual abuse, my child’s reputation will be tarnished. Sexual Offenders know this sentiment so well and this makes them fearless.  Adopt ‘Name and Shame’ policy. Remember it is the abuser who should be ashamed and not the child.
It is better for my children to have minimum exposure to outer world to avoid these abuses. Restricting their childhood can hinder their social and mental growth.

 

Preventive actions by parents and educators:

  • Call a spade a spade! Don’t nickname private body parts.
  • Teach children right body anatomy.
  • Explain children difference between fear and respect. Don’t fear your elders! Say No when you feel uncomfortable.
  • Parents trust your gut. If you are uncomfortable in a company, definitely your child will be.
  • Parents can tell stories related to sex education to their children which they can relate to. You know your child better. No flyer or poster can convey message better than you!
  • Pre-screening of all people working with Children (at home/school/day-care, Juvenile centres etc.).
  • Talk about the abuse. Tell your child what happened isn’t he/she fault.

Know your Legal Rights:

Protection of Children against sexual Offences Act , POSCO (2012) India.

  • The said Act defines a child as any person below eighteen years of age, and defines different forms of sexual abuse.
  • The said Act prescribes stringent punishment graded as per the gravity of the offence, with a maximum term of rigorous imprisonment for life, and fine.
  • The act incorporates child friendly procedures for mechanisms for reporting, recording of evidence, investigation and speedy trial of offences through designated Special Courts.

 

‘We all must bring our own light to the darkness’ – Charles Bukowski

Sheetal Zaroo

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