“Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.” Woody Allen. Contrary to the saying, lot of fears are associated with sex, common to both men and women. While women love to talk and are more expressive about their feelings and emotions related to sex, men tend to keep their deep thoughts and feelings to themselves. This leaves us wondering if men have any sexual fears at all??? The answer to the question is, YES, there are many doubts and fears running in the minds of the otherwise calm, cool and mostly collected gender. This article presents below 10 such sexual fears which bother men.
1.Fear of erectile dysfunction
Anxiety about bad performance during sex is one of the greatest fears of men. Ironically, this fear is the greatest cause of psychogenic impotence. According to Philip Werthman, M.D., urologist and director of the Center for Male Reproductive Medicine and Vasectomy Reversal in Los Angeles, certain men have fears of intimacy and performance anxiety that can lead to erectile dysfunction. The basis of such fear may be based on self-esteem issues and/or prior negative experiences. A single incident of poor performance can increase anxiety levels and result in more stress during future encounters. A partner’s understanding and cooperation can play a central role in overcoming the psychogenic impotence.
Sex for men is more of a physical experience whereas for women it is emotional as well as physical. Women have lot of expectations from their partners when it comes to sex and this may freak out men a bit. For most of the women, commitment and sex go together and men may not attach a whole lot of meaning to it. Men also fear that they may not be able to satisfy their partner during sex. This adds to their anxiety levels.
3. Fear of ‘Ejaculation’
Premature ejaculation is another psychogenic fear which scares men. This problem is faced by men of all ages and can result in anxiety, which in turn might aggravate the situation. In this situation, the brain gets the signal that release is imminent, but for various emotional reasons the normal inhibiting mechanism fails.
4.Fear of ‘tiny’ penis
The ‘size’ is invariably thought to be the parameter for a man’s maleness and his ability to satisfy women. As a matter of fact, a woman’s satisfaction level does not depend on the size of the penis and contrarily too big penis could hurt the partner. The truth is that only the outer 1/3rd of the woman’s vagina (approximately 3 to 5 cms) is sensitive to sexual stimuli. Therefore, the depth to which a man’s penis reaches inside the vagina during an intercourse doesn’t matter to a woman.
Like women, men too get conscious of their body. Features like weight, skin ,body hair etc can create insecurities and fears in men. They might assume that their partners will find their bodies unattractive/turnoff and may not like to have sex with them.
Though this fear is more common with women, men also fear unintended pregnancies which may occur due to not using condom/ torn condom. Unintended pregnancies can lead to serious consequences emotionally, physically and financially.
7.Fear of acquiring STDs
In order to avoid a sexually transmitted disease, it is imperative to use a condom correctly. Improper or no usage can lead to infections and is a health hazard. Safe sex is extremely important as we see a massive increase in HIV and other sex related diseases.
8.Being recognized as inexperienced by the partner
Men have the tendency to think that women will compare them with other men or that the women might find them inexperienced and less skilful during the act. This adds to anxiety and performance pressure for men.
9.Intercourse ending in an unpleasant way
Actual sex is different from fantasized sex or porn videos. It is important for men to realize that the expectations have to be kept real in order to avoid disappointment during and after sex. The interactions of an average human sexual response cycle is very different from fantasy world.
10.Fear of being bad at sex
Some men suffer from anxieties related to not being good at sex. They worry about not knowing certain positions and getting tired too easily. This fear might actually add to erectile dysfunction or performance pressure and make sex less pleasurable.
To sum up, fears of sex in men are often not visible. They reside deep in the unconscious mind. The above mentioned fears can take a while to be understood and worked upon. A mature and cooperating partner can be a great help to deal with such fears. However if the fears persist, a sex & relationship counsellor may be required.
An engineer who studied management, a writer, a philanthropist… currently enjoying my life at the fullest