‘Move on… Get over him/her… get a hang over your emotions… he/she was not worthy of you…’ The well meaning advice of friends keeps pouring in after a breakup – when you appear to be stuck in isolation.
A message over the phone saying that things are not working out was the end of a 3 year long relationship – no reasons, no discussion about where this decision came from.
With newer virtual mediums to stay connected or to convey the disconnect, news of breaking up with a partner can be easily communicated – over a text message, a WhatsApp voice note, a change in relationship status, or a phone call. A face to face conversation has lost its importance, dwindling any hope of discussion or finding closure in a relationship.
The one who initiates the break up moves on with a strong reason, but the other partner is often left to wonder -Why did the break up happen? What went wrong in our relationship? What did I do for this to happen? Is this the end I deserve? Will I ever be in a lasting relationship in the future if being out of one causes so much pain? They are now responsible for moving past a decision they don’t fully understand and are not prepared to tackle.
The break up is painful not only because of the loss of the relationship, but also because of the lack of clarity about why the relationship ended. Not knowing the reason may distort their view about themself – what they think of themselves, their choices and their decisions. The thought of being rejected often leaves an individual in self doubt. Seeking closure – knowing the reason for the break up helps in overcoming the emotional attachment and pain, thereby allowing establishment of new healthy relationships.
Getting closure involves grieving the loss of a relationship in a safe space, communicating honestly and openly about the failures, and establishing new boundaries. Rather than blaming the self, thinking objectively about the pros and cons of the break up might help in coming to terms with the situation. Addressing your feelings and having a dialogue with yourself will also help in gaining closure.
Want to know more ways of dealing with a break up, to tackle issues of closure? Contact us at ThatMate.
By Asmita D