Siya woke up with a terrible headache and looked at her reflection in the mirror.
“When was the last time I slept properly”, she couldn’t remember….As soon as
her Whatsapp started buzzing with messages, notifications of her friend’s
pictures from last night’s party also popped up. This was one more birthday
party which Siya had been excluded from…. ‘I just wish I did not exist!’
thought Siya after having such a start to the day.
“They seem to be better off without me”,Siya thought. Now this was not just a
passing idea in Siya’s head, perhaps Siya felt like a burden on her friends and
family. She felt guilty and inadequate almost all the time, when she was at
college, with her friends or with her family. Sometimes, even the smallest of
demands and expectations made her feel so intimidated, that she thought it was
impossible to cope with these demands. She envisioned the darkest possibilities
for the future, coming to a point where she thought of escaping this life of
agony than continue living in pain.
Many teenagers and youth like Siya experience various challenging life
situations. Yet we often wonder what makes a person take such a huge step of
ending their life…
In Siya’s case, it is very likely that we would say, being excluded from the
party is what made Siya dwell in self doubt. . How easy it would have been to
come up with this simple singular explanation! However, the reasons why a
person would choose death over life can be much more complex.
Self doubt and Feelings of inferiority along with thoughts of a dark future do
not arise in a single day or because of a single negative experience. Rather, they
are a result of a pile up of multiple experiences and incidents which have hurt
the person for a very long time. A daily struggle of coping with the feelings of
‘not being good enough’ while dealing with external demands of life like
maintaining family relations, friendships, romantic relationships, academic
performance, work pressures becomes distressing. Subsequently , the mere idea
of ‘living’ becomes painful and ending one’s life seems a better alternative to get out of the agony.
A person can feel lonely, ashamed, frustrated, scared, or depressed. The
helplessness over being unable to come to terms with the curves life throws at
you, can seem quite daunting. Yet it is really important to attend to these
emotions, to talk about them and to seek help.
Studies indicate that suicides can be preventable. Remember to talk about your
difficulties with your loved ones or a trusted confidant. Talking helps in
relieving the burden that comes with carrying intense emotions. When you are
just unable to see a ray of hope in the blatant darkness, and suicidal thoughts
rush through your mind, calling a suicide helpline can assist in dealing with the
impulse. Seeking mental health related interventions can definitely help in
reorganizing life and overcoming emotional distress and suicidal thoughts in the
It is not easy to let go of the baggage you have been carrying for so long, but
with a little bit of readiness to support the self and some amount of external
help, slowly and steadily, you will walk miles, discarding the burdens you carry